I don’t get it; I can change the color of my hair with the snap of my fingers and two expendable hours. I can lose weight by walking an extra mile and eating fewer Twinkies. I can tell my dog to sit and my son’s dog to quit eating my daughter’s underwear.

I am woman. Hear me roar. If I’m in complete control, then why, oh, why can I not order this damn flu to be gone?