It's all in how you look at it

Is there any reason why I should wander into a Lens Crafters and find literally thousands of frames THAT ALL LOOK THE SAME? Whatsup with that? There were no less than five designer names, and every freaking one of them were sporting the same designs.

It’s like they have little spies tripping back and forth to each factory. “Hey, DKY has the little roundie jobs in yellow highlighted tortoiseshell,” whispers one spy to the Dior crowd.

“Yellow highlighted tortoiseshell frames for all!” screeches Dior.

Problem is, I look crappy in yellow highlighted tortoiseshell round frames. In fact, I look like Harry Potter in drag. Do I need an excuse to look like shit? Hell no. I can do that all by myself.

And what’s with the rectangle frames. They look fab on Tina Fey. Then again, a burlap sack and flies would look good on Tina Fey. I am not Tina Fey. There are no less than three thousand rectangle frames in Lens Crafters. Bright red ones, orange, diamond studded jobs – which make me look like a bookish stripper. Talk about employment confusion.

What happened to choice? What happened to creative and unique? Imagine if the publishing industry took this route and banged out formulaic and unimaginative books season after season. We’d be out of business within minutes.

I just want a pair of glasses frames that have style than round or rectangle. I want to look good in them, to feel that I can wear them to a function and not look like I’m getting ready to bite someone’s jugular. I want sleek and smooth. Is that so hard to ask?

The last pair I put on drew a comment from the woman trying to make a sale; “Hey, those look great on you. You look just like a famous author.”

Damn, I’m such a whore. I bought them immediately.