Where are the brains when you really need them?

I heard a story on my radio coming home from the gym about a man walking in our local wilderness area and claimed that he’d been scratched by a mountain lion. My ears perked up because I ride my bike there all the time. Seems that he saw some cubs and wanted to pet them because they “looked so cute.”

They looked so cute?

Ok, now I’m thinking this guy must have been standing at the back of the line when God ran out of brains. I’ve ridden my bike for twelve years in this area. I’ve seen deer, lots of kamikaze bunnies who love to tempt fate by crossing right in front of my bike, and mountain lions. Well, make that one lion. I stopped at my usual place for water, and there he was, sitting in a big ol’ tree just staring at me. I’m probably too stupid to be afraid, but I figured the chances of him climbing out of his easy chair to run me down and try to bite through my helmet were pretty slim.

There are some things I know; never travel without a hair dryer and clean underwear, always smile and shake the hand of someone who bought your book, and never, never, ever pet the baby mountain lions. Because baby mountain lions have big mountain lion mommies who can be very cranky. In fact, avoid mountain lions at all costs. They’re invariably hungry and are no longer afraid of humans.

Numbnuts was lucky; he got away with a scratch on his arm. A fellow bike rider I only knew by sight wasn’t so lucky. His bike chain fell off, and as he bent down to put it back on, a mountain lion came along and killed him.

*Reiki hugs = 20 (he probably needs more to make up for the air between his ears)